


Me Et Non Conteram

by sooperglue



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Aftermath of Torture, Aphasia, Capture, Depression, Essentially I like to make Pidge suffer, Gen, Latin, Minor Original Character(s), Nightmares, Platonic Nudity, Self-Harm, Temporary Character Death, Torture, olkarion
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-03-01 13:48:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18801583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sooperglue/pseuds/sooperglue
Summary: "Me et non conteram..." Pidge whimpered underneath her breath, shaking in fear. "Me arcum non descendit. Tametsi me et solus, sed, me et nom conteram." She would not let them defeat her.Battered and broken, Pidge Gunderson/ Katie Holt is rescued from a Galra ship after months in captivity. Though the healing pods can repair bodies, can they protect minds? How will Voltron's green paladin recover from her trauma?





	1. Chapter One

Drip. Drip. Drip.

The sound of a liquid dripping echoes throughout the room, rousing Pidge from her thoughts. She almost forgot about her job- the duty she had to fulfill. It had been weeks, if not months since she had been captured by the Galra and she was due to crack anytime. She looked at the piece of sharpened metal she was able to snag between interrogations as the wounds on her wrists and forearms oozed an angry red, spilling onto the floor in that infuriating sound of drip, drip, drip.

Pidge wanted it to end. Hell, she wanted her life to end, if it meant the constant agony and darkness of imprisonment would cease to exist within her mind. She had long since lost the need for handcuffs, becoming too weak to stand, much less fight. She now saved all her energy for screaming during the druids' "experiments," thinking, and attempting to kill herself. Granted, she usually got lost in her thoughts or dozed off to as close to sleep as she could get (the dull glow of the lights made it impossible to get any quality rest), or she was dragged to another session before she could make any progress. But goddamnit, did she try. She knew her brother was tearing apart the universe to find her, having only seen her for so short a time, but enough was enough. So she dug the makeshift blade deeper, gasping in pain as she tore through the veins in her thin arm. She switched hands and made short work of her other wrist and laid down, finally satisfied. Perhaps now, after all that had happened, the dark tendrils of depression would leave her. Perhaps now the guards wouldn't use her for their anger management. Perhaps now, finally, she would die. Katherine "Pidge Gunderson" Holt closed her eyes, hopefully for the last time, and fell into the first sleep she'd had in weeks.

 

 

 

Eighty five. It had been eighty five days since the green paladin had been captured, and the team still hadn't had any sign of her. Hunk gripped a hologram, shaking with barely controlled sobs as he looked at the small girl in the picture. Her brother, Matt, had taken over as the green lion's pilot under the agreement that he'd let Katie pilot after she was found. He had insisted on the terms himself, voice firm in his beliefs. It had been sixty seven days since this event, and nobody had received any intel on the small girl's whereabouts.

"Hunk? Are you alright?" A familiar voice called from the doorway, startling Hunk from his grief. Lance invited himself in and pulled the yellow paladin into a gentle hug. The larger man hugged Lance like he was a lifeline, wave after wave of anxiety crashing into him.

"N-no, I'm not okay! Pidge could be- could be--" Hunk couldn't finish his sentence as another round of sobs overtook his body. The blue paladin just rubbed gentle circles into his friend's back, waiting for the appropriate time to speak. He was about to speak up when-

"Paladins, please report to the bridge immediately! It is of the utmost importance!" Allura's voice suddenly rang out across the castle's speakers. The two boys jumped from their position and sprinted to the source of the voice, Hunk wiping his eyes as he ran.

"What is it, princess?" Shiro asked, always the first to arrive. Allura looked up at the Paladins as they entered the room, a look of hope on her face.

"We've found Pidge!" She exclaimed. Matt froze before bolting to the green lion frantically, throwing on his resistance armor in casual denial of his position and heading to the lion's hangar.

"Matt!" Shiro called to no avail. "Matthew Daniel Holt! You come back here this instant or so help me I will kick your ass!" Matt stopped short, startled at Shiro's harsh words. The older man just sighed and put a gentle hand on his friend's shoulder. "You didn't hear the full report. She's on a meteor near Sentaria and the prison she's in is heavily guarded. She... She's been visited by different generals many times. I'd brace myself. I'd offer to let you stay behind, but the green lion is the only one with a cloak and I know you'd want to go save your sister anyway."

"You're damn right, Shiro. I'm not leaving without my little sister, even if it means I have to kill every soldier on that base first." Matt spoke quietly, his voice shaky and full of rage. Shiro nodded curtly and turned to go to his lion.

A few minutes later, all the lions were ready to move out, waiting on Matt to give the go-ahead.

"Remember the plan guys: we wait for Matt to disable the security systems before we go in guns blazing. The prison wing is below the surface so don't be afraid to kick some tail!" Shiro said. The whole team, minus the green pilot, cheered as a chorus. A few minutes later, Matt spoke over the comm's system.

"I'm in, guys. Time to kick some purple ass!" Lance laughed at Matt's remark and followed Shiro as the team set towards the base.

 

Matt sighed in relief and sat back on his haunches, wiping his brow. The coding was more advanced than normal, and he was definitely out of practice. Team Voltron had been avoiding as many conflicts as possible since Katie had been captured, focusing on finding their lost family member, and it was coming back to haunt them. He stood and waited for the rumble of explosions and the blare of alarms to sound before heading to the prisoner's ward. Fear twisted in his stomach at what he may find as he neared Pidge's cell.

"Stop right there, rebel!" A Galra soldier called from behind Matt, gun raised. Matt stopped and turned around before activating his bayard to reveal a spear, almost feeling bad for the soldier as he fell to the ground. Almost. Matt turned back to the cell door and opened it quickly, switching off his microphone as he did so. What met his eyes was an image beyond that out of a nightmare.

"K-Katie..?" He choked out, staring at the crumpled and bloody mess of a girl in front of him. Her torso was bare, revealing whip marks and red, angry Lichtenberg scars littering her back. Her undersuit was ripped off at the waist, torn and ragged from overuse. It was only after he stared for a moment that Matt noticed the cuts on Pidge's arms. He rushed to her side as he stabbed the lock controls with his spear, a string of curses from mixed languages leaving his lips. He felt for a pulse and sighed in relief when he found one, though it was weak. Her arms were bleeding too heavily, and he hated what he had to do. He readied his spear again and activated the electricity at its end, producing a white- hot tip not unlike Shiro's arm. He swiftly cauterized the wounds and nearly retched at the smell of burning flesh.

"Not now Matt... Katie needs you," he muttered to himself, pulling off his cloak and wrapping his sister's frail body in it. He activated his comms once again. "Guys, I found her. She- she's in terrible condition; I... I don't know if she's gonna make it..." He choked on his words, tears welling up in his eyes. "I cauterized the worst wounds with my spear, but she could have internal bleeding..." The comms were eerily silent for a moment as everyone processed what he said.

"Okay. Matt, I want you to get the hell out of there! We can come back and release the other prisoners later! Do I need to send support?" Shiro asked, doing his best to calm his teammate down.

"I... I don't know. I already ran into a live soldier a few minutes ago... I'm scared, Takashi. I'm so damn scared I don't know what to do! I'm in the middle of space with a robotic leg, a dying sister in my arms, and a bounty on my head!" Matt sobbed, looking down at Katie.

"I know, buddy. I'm sending Keith right now." Lance didn't even argue with Shiro's choice, too shocked by Matt's breakdown.

"Th-thank you... I'm still in Katie's cell." Matt took the green lion's helmet off and set it beside him so he could hear the comms if he was needed, but nobody could hear him. "Oh Katie..... What did you do to yourself?" He moved the hair out of his sister's face and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. Pidge stirred a bit and leaned into her brother's touch, whimpering softly. "I'm so sorry we couldn't find you before..." Matt hugged the girl close to himself, crying.

"Matt? Matt, I'm in the base. I'll be there in a minute!" Keith's voice rang out from the discarded helmet.

"A-Alright, thanks Keith," Matt said as he pulled the helmet back on. He struggled to get his voice under control. "You'll want to prepare yourself though, there's a lot of blood."

"Understood." Matt pulled his cloak tighter around his sister and waited for Keith to come. The sounds of battle soon grew close as the red paladin fought his way to the cell.

"Keith? You there?"

"Yeah. I'm coming in now, alright?"

"Go ahead." Matt stood, carrying Pidge in his arms. He was careful to tuck her head into his shoulder so it wouldn't hang and hurt her neck. Keith pried the doors apart and stared, hair and sweat in his face, his armor spattered with Galran blood. He stopped short at the sight of the green paladin.

"Pidge...?" He asked, running to check her over. Both boys turned off their microphones as Matt sighed.

"She tried to kill herself. She didn't want to give us away, I just know it." Keith stared at Matt in shock, eyes wide.

"She... I....What?" He stuttered, completely floored by Pidge's actions.

"Think later, fight now!" Matt yelled, staring at the Galra soldiers in the doorway. Keith quickly turned around and launched into attack. Matt stayed behind the red paladin, doing his best to keep Pidge safe. Time blended together as soldier after soldier was slain, blood spattering all three (almost) humans as they made their escape. Matt soon came face to face with Green, rushing Katie inside and laying her on a surgical table that the lion had provided. He strapped her down and quickly took the controls, flying out of the prison, pushing Green to her limit, using the lion's anxiety to focus himself and keep his own emotions tucked away. The lion suddenly went into autopilot, prompting Matt to tend to his sister. He obeyed Green's wishes and went to Katie, surprised to see a tray of supplies by the table. Letting green's conscience flood him, he went to work cleaning his sister's wounds. As he finished, Green landed in her hangar and let the team in, Shiro being the first in the cockpit.

"Pidge-- Katie!" He cried, shocked at what he saw. He started to remove Matt's cloak from her body, but was stopped.

"She's shirtless. I think we should let Allura do this." The black paladin nodded and unstrapped Katie from the table, carrying her out past the shocked paladins, face completely devoid of emotion. Coran didn't even try to help, instead letting Allura handle the situation. She gingerly took Pidge from Shiro, unspoken words passing between the two before she carried the girl away.

"W-What happened to her...?" Hunk asked, voice quiet and childlike.

"She.... She didn't want to give any information..." Matt replied, collapsing into a chair. He ran a hand through his hair, suddenly looking much older than before.

"So.. She tried to kill herself?" Lance's voice holds a surprisingly understanding tone to it, almost like he has firsthand knowledge.

"Yes. Everyone, clean up. No more questions for now," Shiro ordered, going to Matt's side. "Including you, Matt." The mentioned man didn't respond as shock seeped into his bones, startling when the black paladin put a hand on his shoulder, helping him stand. The two men said nothing as they headed for the showers.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Talk of depression and suicide; self harm is in here!

"Coran!" Allura yelled, fussing with the healing pods. The royal advisor didn't need to be called twice, rushing into the room with lightning speed. Allura didn't turn to face him as she worked. "I need help! She's slipping!"  
"I'm on it! You get the pod ready!" Coran hurriedly prepped Pidge for healing, only having time to put a shirt on her before laying her in the pod. Allura practically slammed the activation button, staring at the lifesign readings as if daring them to deteriorate. The ginger man laid a hand on the princess' shoulder and both Alteans sighed in relief as the green paladin's state stabilized. After a minute or so, Allura turned to her advisor with tear- filled eyes, her face twisted up in sadness. Coran gently hugged her and waited for the words that were sure to come.  
"She's just a little girl! Why do we have to put children on the battlefield? It isn't right!" She cried, burying her face in her friend's shoulder. Coran sighed sadly and rubbed her back, searching for a response, tears in his own eyes as well.  
"We have no other option. The lions chose their paladins, and we have to respect their decisions," he replied after a moment of thought. "And you're still so young as well." Allura huffed in indignation before deflating and leaning against Coran.  
The two Alteans stayed like that for a few minutes before going to meet the others.

\-----

"Matt?" Hunk called, knocking on the young man's door. Hearing no response, he used the door's override pass he learned from Pidge to let himself in. "Matthew?"  
"'M here..." a weak voice responded. Hunk turned on the light and almost jumped at the sight of Matt sprawled out on the floor, dark bags under his eyes. The whole room reeked of nunvil, sweat, and blood. As it was, Matt currently had shattered bottles scattered around him and pieces of glass in his arms and legs.  
"Pardon my French, but what the hell were you doing last night!?" Hunk asked, lifting Matt off the floor with surprisingly little effort. There was no response to his question as the ginger looked down ashamedly. The yellow paladin just sighed and helped his charge out of the room and to the med bay, where the team waited in anxious expectation.  
"Matthew!" Shiro yelled, taking his friend from Hunk. Everyone looked over at the scene.  
"Oh boy. We don't need another self-destructive dude on this team," Lance remarked under his breath. Keith shot him a look before turning back to the healing pods.  
"I'll help, Shiro." Coran moved over to where the black paladin sat with Matt as Hunk moved back to the group in the center of the room.  
"Alright.... well, now that we're all mostly here, I'd like to have us all discuss with each other the current events. There are some things that I believe we all need to get off of our chests," Allura spoke as she took a seat on the steps in the room. Everyone else around her nodded and followed her example. "I shall start us off, to break the ice. I am horrified that Pidge has resorted to such a drastic action to keep what she knows confidential, and in all honesty, I am irrationally plagued by the need to avenge her. I understand that revenge may not be the correct motivator for this situation, but I believe you will find that frankly, I do not care." She sighed and looked around. Lance was the first to respond.  
"Dude, I say we go kick some Galra ass!"  
"Lance, I think we need to rest first. I know Pidge does, for sure," Hunk replied, sighing sadly. "I think we all need time to absorb what's happened. We were searching for eighty five days, after all! We need a nice meal and a sleepover party. At least, I know I do." Everyone nodded in agreement, Shiro and Coran coming to join the group.  
"I think a sleepover is a great idea, Hunk. I know that Matt needs some support after what happened yesterday." Shiro looked over at the man in question before speaking again. "I think we all need support right now." Allura clapped her hands and stood after Shiro finished speaking.  
"Alright, then it's settled! Let's go do this 'sleepover' you speak of!"  
Hunk nodded and grabbed Lance to help cook. Keith headed for the door, not bothering to look over his shoulder as he spoke. "Shiro, Pidge lets go get-" he cut himself off abruptly, choking up on his slip of tongue. He hunched over and started to walk out.  
"Keith! Wait!" Shiro called, jogging up to the boy and stopping him with a gentle hand. "It's alright. It's a habit, I know. Let's go get supplies." He faced Allura. "Do you care to join, Princess?" The lady in question straightened up at her name and considered the offer.  
"Coran, will you be alright with Pidge and Matt?" She asked slowly, looking eager to leave and have fun. The ginger man nodded, smiling softly.  
"Go enjoy yourself, Princess. You've earned it." Coran agreed, gently pushing her towards the door. Allura grinned and ran to meet Shiro and Keith. Not soon after, the floor of the healing pod bay was littered with pillows, blankets and anything else soft. Hunk and Lance were making the closest thing to peanut butter cookies as they could in honor of Pidge, and Coran was tending to Matt. Allura, Keith and Shiro started to build a nest for everyone to cuddle in, Allura humming a nervous tune to herself and Keith doing his best to not stare at either of the Holts. Shiro had moved over to Matt and was very obviously stressed. The mood, though dark, was quickly lifted when Lance and Hunk walked in the room with glasses of milk and peanut butter cookies.  
"Hunk! You are amazing!" Lance cheered as everyone moved to grab a snack. "This tastes exactly like peanut butter!" Hunk blushed and shrugged.  
"Peanuts are universal, man." He muttered sheepishly, earning a snort from Keith. Shiro grabbed a plate for both himself and Matt before going back to his friend while Allura took food to Coran. Hunk grabbed his food and set it down in his spot before leaving an extra plate in front of Pidge inside her healing pod. The room went quiet. Lance placed a hand on the pod and quietly muttered a prayer to himself, the ending barely audible.  
"En el nombre del Padre, el Hijo y el Espíritu Santo. Amén." He sat down, leaning against the structure before eating his cookies in a heavy thoughtfulness that was uncharacteristic of his normal behavior. Everyone ate in silence for a few minutes before Keith spoke, surprising the rest of the group with his forwardness .  
"You know, Allura was right about earlier. We all have opinions and thoughts on what happened with Pidge, and I really need to talk about mine." He sighed before continuing. "She's like a little sister to me, and she has given me someone to fight to protect, as well as being someone who constantly challenges me and pushes me forward. It's... It's too quiet without her. The scary part is that this one corner of my mind keeps telling me that the Pidge we know died before we found her, and I'm terrified to see what the Galra have reduced her down to. I'd like to believe that she miraculously kept her sanity intact, but the terrifying part of this whole situation is that the pessimistic corner of my brain is almost always right." He took a moment to compose himself and wipe his eyes before continuing. "I don't know if she'll even recognize me anymore and to know that the people I'm related to were the very same people who did this to her makes me sick. I don't know if I can ever feel alright with myself again because, in some sick and twisted way, I'm the one who hurt her like this." He hugged a blanket to himself and muffled his cries, shoulders heaving and shaking. Everyone else in the room was quiet, with Lance, Coran, Allua and Hunk wiping tears away as well. Shiro pulled Keith into his side and softly comforted his teammate and almost brother. Hunk piped up next.

"I agree, Keith. I'm scared that Pidge is not Pidge anymore. After all, she's still a child! What did the soldiers do to her anyways?" He looked over at Lance, who was awfully quiet before bowing his head and quieted down. Nobody spoke for a few minutes.

"I've been in her position before. Not as a paladin of Voltron, which is worse, but as Champion. I know for a fact that she's never going to be the same as she was because I'm not either. I'm trying to convince myself otherwise, but I know it's true." Shiro sighed. "The best thing we can do is love her and respect her needs and wishes. She needs support right now, and that's what we'll give her." He looked around the room, where everyone except an unconscious Matt and an eerily quiet Lance nodded. Coran frowned and moved over to the blue boy.  
"Lance, my boy, are you alright?" The Altean man asked. Lance didn't move. Coran tried to place a hand on his shoulder, earning a gasp and Lance flinching away quickly.  
"Geez Coran don't scare me like that!" He yelled. Everyone stared in varying states of confusion before Coran spoke again.  
"Lance, we've been talking to you for a while now. Are you okay?" He frowned and took a step back. Lance sighed and hugged himself, sighing sadly.  
"To be honest, I don't think anyone is. We're all hurting. For God's sake, Matt has drunk his way to hell and back! I can't help but ask myself, does God really care? Is he even real? If so, then why doesn't he do something? Why didn't he save Katie from the terror she felt?" He abruptly cut himself off and steadied his voice before speaking again, very obviously having connected with the green paladin too much to call her by her nickname. "Back when we first started fighting the Galra, Katie came to me in the middle of the night. Apparently she had had a terrible nightmare and couldn't sleep. I asked why she didn't ask anyone else for help, and her answer was 'You're almost exactly like Matt. Can you take his place for one night?' Her voice was so small and scared and you can quiznacking believe I held her in my arms until she slept soundly! She reminds me of my little sister and I'm not just gonna leave her to her pain!" Lance was a sobbing mess now, too hysterical to anyone do anything to except listen and wait for him to tire himself out. "Just look at her!" He pointed at the pod, almost shouting. "Does she look peaceful to you? No! And it hurts, it hurts so bad since I can't hold her and sing to her until her fears melt away because I can't relate to them! I'm terrified for her, and I don't want to lose her like I've lost myself!" Lance struggled to calm himself, looking around the room at everyone's shocked faces. His face fell at their disbelief, promptly leaving the room. Coran followed the distressed boy outside, unwilling to leave someone so upset to their own devices. He found Lance sobbing in the common room next door.  
"Lance, son, look at me." Coran kept his own sadness out of his voice as he spoke. Lance looked up slowly and was startled to meet face to face with a battle weary soldier barely resembling the Altean advisor. "This.... This is the real me. I'm a soldier, Lance. An old one. And I lost my conscience long ago." Coran sighed, letting Lance soak in his appearance. Over the left side of his lip was a scar, shallow but prominent. Across his left cheek was a deep gash and his right ear was split towards the edge. "I've learned how to shapeshift out of my scars so I don't frighten Allura. You see, I was a prisoner of Zarkon's long ago, before he was completely corrupted by power and quintessence. During my time as a royal guard and advisor, I learned a thing or two about losing yourself in the thick of battle. I learned that once you kill someone, you can never truly forgive yourself, even if it was for a good reason. I've also learned that death is an easy and tempting option out of the world, and it is far easier than facing your demons." Lance startled a bit. Coran, having thought about suicide? "And I also know that losing someone you love is devastating. You see, while I was on a mission, my family was attacked. I had a wife and a son. My wife was beautiful and wise, helping to ground me when things got too much to handle on my own. My son, on the other hand, was exactly like you. He had the same blue eyes, the same brown hair, and the same personality. Coming home to find their mangled and rotting corpses on the floor of my living room had me holding my gun to my head before I had even formed the beginnings of a suicidal thought. The thing that stopped me, though, was Allura. I remembered that I had someone to protect and nurture, and it's hard for me to do that with a hole in my head. So I carried on, and whoever is up there has rewarded me with a second son." Coran hugged Lance to his chest protectively. "And I'll be damned if I don't do everything in my power to keep him safe. Whatever you need, Lance, I'm here for you. Please don't be afraid to talk to me, son." Lance was stunned by the sudden rush of history and wisdom Coran had revealed. How could such a cheerful man have such a terrible past? Lance realized with a jolt that he was sobbing, and hugged Coran back tightly, burying his face in the older man's shoulder. Maybe he could keep going with his life, just like Coran. Maybe he could help Pidge find herself again.


	3. Chapter Three

After Lance's meltdown, the room was quiet. Keith had buried himself in the blankets and made the occasional sniffle, but other than that he was still. Hunk grabbed a pillow and squeezed whatever life it had out of it. He watched the door anxiously, praying that Coran could calm Lance down, fearing for his friend. Shiro watched Pidge's still face inside of her healing pod, wondering what was going through. He scooted over to Allura and whispered in her ear.  
"I wonder what Pidge is feeling," he said, glancing at the girl in question. Allura frowned in thought.  
"I suppose she is dreaming, like I was," she replied. Shiro grimaced.   
"I hope her dreams aren't of her experiences, then."  
"Yeah..." the two were quiet. A few minutes later, Lance and Coran walked back in, Coran having covered his scars again. The older man had an arm on Lance's shoulder, gently comforting him as the two walked to their spots. Lance sat down against the healing pod once again, pressing his ear up to the metal in hopes of hearing Pidge. He closed his eyes and tried to hear a heartbeat. Coran noticed this and turned up the heartbeat monitor just enough that Lance could hear it through the metal. The paladin smiled softly to himself and started drifting off to sleep.  
"Thank you," Hunk whispered to Coran, a small smile of gratitude gracing his lips. The ginger man nodded, going to sit by Shiro and Allura. The two were whispering quietly between themselves, deep in conversation when Coran arrived.  
"I believe we will need to go to Olkarion again," Allura whispered, sighing softly. "They are well known for their ability to heal others' minds."  
"If that is so, then I agree, Princess," Shiro muttered. "I believe everyone here could use some therapy after all we've been through. Pidge may be able to connect with them easier since they're connected with the forest like she is, too." Allura nodded in agreement, looking over at the paladin in mention. Coran piped up.  
"I agree with you, Princess, but shouldn't we ask if she wants help before we force something so intense on her?" He asked. Allura considered this, frowning softly.  
"I suppose so. We have no idea how she'd take being forced into therapy." The princess reasoned, Shiro nodding along. There was a stretch of silence after this discussion, the sounds of the other Paladins' sleep filling the air. Shiro placed a hand on both Alteans' shoulders, signaling to them his leave as he went to sit in a chair at Matt's bedside. Allura sighed and went to make a nest for herself, leaving Coran to his thoughts. The man stood and anxiously checked the healing pod lifesigns, moving to place a hand on the glass.  
"I know you can hear me, child. I promise I will give you the help you need." He went and started preparing for the storm that was sure to come.

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)'･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

It was dark. And cold. And she couldn't move. Pidge started to panic, thinking she was in another experiment. People were speaking, voices muffled and... Was that crying? Maybe she's in a casket and she's about to be buried. Maybe all souls are stuck like this until burial. Maybe she's finally, finally succeeded.  
"Hello, Green Paladin," an all too familiar voice cooed mockingly. Pidge's spine went rigid in fear. No. Not Haggar. Please, God, don't let it be Haggar. The paladin turned around, her conscience lost in the world of dreams. The witch stood, her astral projection crackling with malevolent quintessence. She grinned evilly and took a step forward. Pidge stepped back, flinching reflexively.  
"St-stay away from me! Just leave me to die!"  
"Oh, but sweetie, the fun's just begun!" The witch snarled and leapt towards Pidge, eliciting a screech from the girl as she dodged the attack. She ran, trying to hide from the Druid as tears obscured her vision. Haggar was faster, however, as she caught up to the Green Paladin and pinned her to the ground. She froze up in the witch's grasp, whole body going rigid as a defense mechanism, praying the torture would end soon.

Oh, how she was wrong.

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)'･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

"Ugh... Sh-shiro...?" Shiro startled from his sleep, sitting up quickly at Matt's voice. "Damn, chill out man! I'm not gonna kill you for sleeping when you're supposed to!" Shiro grunted and wiped his face, the fog in his mind slowly disappearing.  
"Man... I haven't slept that long in years," he groaned, looking around slowly. His gaze lingered on Pidge for a beat too long, and Matt noticed.  
"You're worried about her too, huh." He stated the remark, knowing Shiro too well to need to phrase it as a question. The man nodded.  
"She's so young... I hope she will come back to us soon. The sooner, the better for all of us. The boys are taking this hard. In fact, I think you're taking this badly as well." Matt snorted in indignation and immediately cringed.  
"Ah! Damn hangovers!" He whispered loudly, throwing a sore arm over his face to block out everything. Shiro sighed and stood up, dimming the lights.  
"Like I said, you need as much comfort as the rest of the team. Now try to go back to sleep, okay?" He looked at the clock and frowned. He'd slept more than he usually does, too tired to have nightmares. Matt nodded at Shiro's order and curled up under his blankets. The black paladin proceeded to walk aimlessly around the castle, mildly startled when he ended up in the Black Lion's hangar. He walked up to his lion.   
"Hey buddy." The lion bent down to allow Shiro access into the cockpit. The man walked inside and all but collapsed into the pilot's seat. He groaned and laid back, staring at his hands. "You know, I still see her blood on my hands." He sighed as his lion rumbled in response, making his whole body vibrate. Shiro continued. "I wish I could help her through her dreams in the pod. I know how scary those can be, and I don't want her to feel the same way." He started thinking out loud, venting to the Black Lion. He felt the lion's conscience weave through his mind, encouraging him to continue, gaining a better understanding of what Shiro felt. He soon ran out of words to say and covered his face with his hands, utterly exhausted. He had a few moments of reprieve before the Black Lion's conscience sharpened and the lion spoke.  
'Green one in danger.' Shiro's head snapped up, feeling the idea of this message more than actually hearing it. Having a lion directly speak to their paladin is rare and only used for emergencies, causing Shiro's stress levels to spike through the roof.  
"What? How!?" He almost screamed at the lion, adrenaline and fear racing through his veins, lighting his nerves on fire. The lion immediately showed Shiro images relayed from Green. The paladin recoiled and let out a reflexive yelp, watching Haggar torture Pidge mercilessly, aiming to break the young girl's mind and spirit. Shiro's arm glowed in anger and fear as he stood and shook the images from his mind. He needed to get Pidge out. Now. He sprinted out of his lion and towards the healing ward, practically yanking Coran along behind him as he passed the advisor.  
"Shiro! What's wrong!?" The ginger yelled, running a few feet behind the distraught paladin. There was no response as the two screeched into the healing pod bay, Shiro moving to the pod.  
"Haggar is in Pidge's mind. If we don't get her out, she'll break!" Shiro finally answered. Coran gaped at the news.  
"If we do that, Shiro, she'll have to heal on her own! She's barely stable as is!" Shiro sighed and looked at Coran, a deep pain evident in his eyes.  
"It's our only choice." Coran nodded and moved to the controls as Shiro addressed the now fully awake paladins on the floor.  
"Get up, everyone!" Shiro yelled, anxiously pacing, his arm humming at his side. Everyone got up quickly with various levels of confusion and worry.  
"Hey Shiro, is Katie okay?" Matt stumbled into the room, slightly less disheveled than before. Shiro thought a second before he spoke.  
"Haggar is in her mind. We need to get Pidge out before her mind and spirit are broken." The whole team gasped before everyone crowded around the pod, ready to catch Pidge with gentle arms. Coran gave a warning before the pod opened with a 'hisssss' and the Green Paladin staggered into everyone's arms. Coran allowed a moment before taking the girl away from everyone and getting her bandaged up for a long healing process.


	4. Chapter Four

"She's been asleep for two days now..." Lance murmured to Hunk, watching Pidge intently. Hunk nodded absentmindedly, taking in the way the girl's face was now gaunt, her cheeks slightly hollow and her forehead permanently wrinkled. Her eyes were squeezed tight, and she had bags under them. It seemed that the machines connected to her were the only things keeping her alive. She didn't look peaceful, Hunk thought. He sighed and took the girl's tiny hand in his own, trying to ease some of the pain he knew she felt. Lance went quiet and placed a hand on Pidge's forehead, checking her temperature. She was cold, too cold, he decided before double checking with a thermometer and frowning at the low figures. He went and documented this before grabbing a heating pad and laying it on her forehead. She seemed to ease a minute amount, and he sighed in relief.  
"She looks like she could shatter at any moment," Hunk thought out loud. Lance nodded.  
"I don't like it. She's too young for this. We all are." Both boys went quiet again, deep in thought. A few minutes later, Keith passed the room, watching Pidge. He didn't give seem to notice the other boys in the room as he stared for a moment. He shook his head to seemingly clear his mind then took another look at Pidge before leaving swiftly and quietly. Lance stared long after he had left, eyebrows knitted together, contemplating whether he should follow Keith or not. He finally sat back and took a deep breath, blowing a raspberry on the exhale. Hunk rolled his eyes halfheartedly, earning a sort of smile from the Blue Paladin. Hunk soon moved back to holding Pidge's hand. The small girl stirred for the first time in days, whimpering under her breath, hand twitching under Hunk's a small bit. Lance scrambled to her side and leaned in close to hear what she was saying. His eyes widened.  
"What is it?" Hunk asked worriedly.  
"That's not English..." Lance replied, voice wavering ever so slightly. Hunk froze.  
"I'll call Coran." The larger of the two ran off to the comms, punching in the advisor's room number. "Coran! Pidge is speaking!"  
"I'll be right there, Hunk!" Coran replied, running down the halls. Lance furrowed his brow, trying to place the language he was hearing. His eyes lit up after a moment.  
"Hunk! She's speaking in Latin!" The Yellow Paladin moved back to his seat by Pidge and listened closely.  
"You're right... I recognize some of the words..." A few moments after that statement, Coran came screeching into the room, immediately moving Lance and Hunk back as he checked Pidge over. He froze when he heard what she was speaking.  
"Some of those words are Altean." The two boys looked at him incredulously.  
"No way. She can only read Altean, not speak it!" Hunk countered, shaking his head. Lance thought for a moment, sitting up quickly when he had an idea.  
"Maybe Latin is based off a form of Altean?" He mused. Coran tilted his head in thought before nodding, agreeing with Lance.  
"It is possible that the Blue Lion may have leaked some of her knowledge into the early human race, thus shaping their language, I suppose. She is very social, after all." He made some adjustments to  some of the equipment surrounding Pidge before reading the reports. "I believe Pidge will start entering less of a comatose state and more of a sleeping stage. She may awake from dreams occasionally and her heart and breathing may speed up from time to time, but she will act mostly the same as before." He looked at the clock. "I believe it's time for Keith to take the next watch. By the way, Lance, your shift isn't for a while. Why are you here?" The mentioned boy blushed a bit in embarrassment.  
"I couldn't think of anything else to do except be here, since I'm so worried about Pidge..." He sighed. Coran nodded in understanding and gently patted the boy's back. Keith walked in soon after and relieved the two boys from their watch, taking a seat next to Pidge. Coran showed him what to do if something happens before leaving himself to get some rest. Lance,p and Hunk soon followed, talking quietly, their absence plunging Keith into silence. The Red Paladin sighed and looked around before taking one of Pidge's hands in both of his own, immediately grimacing at how cold she was and absentmindedly running a thumb over her knuckles to warm her hand. He suddenly remembered something he had brought to give her and pulled a pebble out of his pocket.  
"You know, this is a sort of good luck charm to me," he started, absentmindedly playing with her hair. "I've had it since I was around eight, and I've carried it everywhere with me. I thought you could use some of its luck here, since you're healing from so many things..." He trailed off and looked down before feeling the Red Lion's presence in the back of his head grow from a steady thrum to a gentle pressure behind his eyes. He acknowledged the lion's presence and let her see what he was seeing, feeling her questions bubble up in his mind.  
'Little one okay?' She hummed, letting Keith have control again. Her words were ideas and fragments of words, nowhere near as sharp as direct speech from the lions can be.  
"I mean, I guess," he replied, shrugging. "She's asleep so she can heal. It's kinda like what you do after a hard mission, you know? Humans take a long time to heal, though, so she could be like this for quintants..." The lion rumbled, the feeling making Keith's mind fuzzy for a minute. Red spoke again after a while, a slight hint of worry edging her thoughts.  
"Little one needs to be calmed." She supplied Keith with a picture of him hugging Pidge and helping her sleep, earning a reluctant grimace from him. As if on cue, Pidge started to stir, whimpering and shaking as her heart rate sped up in fear, spurring Keith into action. He clambered onto the bed she was laying on and kneeled next to her, playing with her hair and whispering reassuring things in her ear. He furrowed his brow, feeling awkward when she hugged his torso as she subconsciously looked for comfort. He slowly laid his arms on her back, trying to avoid jostling any wounds as he lightly rubbed circles between her shoulder blades. He remembered a song he really liked on Earth and hummed the tune, smiling softly to himself when the small girl started to calm down, falling back into the grip of sleep. Keith yawned and looked at the clock, remembering that it was late at night and he hadn't really slept since the Green Paladin was captured. He laid back on the bed and hugged Pidge close as he drifted off.

"Keith?" Shiro called, peeking into the infirmary. Keith opened one eye and glared at Shiro through it, warning him to keep quiet. Shiro nodded and smiled a bit at the sight, walking in quietly to whisper to Keith.  
"What do you need?" Keith asked quietly, stifling a yawn.  
"It's my shift."  
"Oh. Well, I'm not moving. One, I'll wake Pidge up and two, I'm hella tired, so I'm staying here for a while," he replied. Shiro chuckled and shook his head at Keith's straightforwardness.  
"Alright, but I'm sticking close by to keep an eye on her lifesigns, okay?" Keith nodded and laid his head back down, falling asleep quickly after that. Shiro sighed and smiled at the two before grabbing a tablet and looking at the diagrams of Pidge's body, displaying different vitals. He flipped to bone density and frowned at her left leg. It was quite weak in structure and was healing from an old wound. He made a note on the observations paper on the wall, stating that this could become a problem in the future. He then set the tablet down and sat back, mentally nudging his lion's conscience to let her know he wanted to talk. Shiro sent the lion an idea of questioning regarding the Green Lion and her ability to let Pidge in. The Black Lion seemed to turn this over for a minute before sending a strong wave of reassurance Shiro's way. The Black Paladin nodded, satisfied with the answer before standing and walking across the hall from the healing bay to what he assumed was the biotechnology section of the medical wing. He looked around at all the dusty equipment as he toured the room, amazed at how advanced the robotics were, gazing at the blueprints on display for prosthetic arms with a sad sort of longing. Shiro shook his head to clear his thoughts before moving into the next room. The whole space was packed with floor to ceiling shelves that were obviously meticulously organized. The man gawked for a moment before moving between the aisles of paperwork, equipment, and notes that were very well preserved within the castle. Shiro wandered the aisles for a little while, peering into specimen jars and flipping through Altean files, trying to find something to distract himself from his constant worry over Pidge. He stopped at a box that looked particularly old and started opening it gingerly. He wondered why this was in a medica record room, but didn't have time to ponder the thought before the castle's alarms sounded. Shiro set the box down and dashed to his lion, aiming to stop the threat before it became dangerous to the castle and ultimately, Pidge.


	5. Chapter Five

The whole castle shook as Hunk ran to his lion. He heard the sirens and panicked, terrified for Pidge's safety. He raced through the path to the cockpit, wearing his armor over his normal clothes instead of his undersuit, crashing into his chair and shooting out of the hangar at a surprising speed. He turned to see everyone else flying out as well before getting into formation. A fleet of Galra battleships was waiting to greet the lions, huge squads of drones pouring out to attack. Hunk didn't need to speak, feeling the intentions of the other Paladins and Matt. They needed to weaken the ships so they couldn't follow before retreating. Destroying the ships was not the main priority at the moment, Pidge was, and she would be protected at all costs. Hunk barreled towards a warship fearlessly, colliding with the cockpit at full speed, destroying the area where he hit. He shook the impact off and headed towards another warship, not bothering to look at the others. He ignored the sounds of radio chatter and continued his path of destruction despite hearing Lance's high-pitched yelling. That was a mistake. The yellow lion turned of her own accord as an ion cannon shot towards then. Hunk tried to dodge, but the front of his lion took the brunt of the impact. The last thing he remembered was an intense pain and the sounds of screaming— was that him?— and then, nothing.

"HUNK!" Lance sobbed, voice shaking with anger and grief. The sounds of Hunk's screams rang through his head like those catchy early 2000s pop songs and he hated it. Lance fired his laser at the mouth of the cannon, effectively disabling it before helping the others guard Hunk and his lion. In a flash, the battle was over, the ships having retreated after constant beatings from Team Voltron. Lance went to help Shiro tow Hunk and Yellow back to the castle, the radios in tense silence. After landing, Lance ran out of the cockpit, throwing his helmet to the side and going to try and pry the Yellow Lion open. He looked at Blue, asking for help, before receiving an image of an escape hatch in the Yellow Lion's underbelly. He nodded in thanks before running to open the hatch and scramble inside. The whole lion was a mess, with wires hanging and sparking everywhere. Lance ran to the cockpit and was met with the sight of Hunk, battered and bruised, crumpled on the floor. He wasn't moving. Lance screamed for help and grabbed the first aid kit held in the control panel before going to help Hunk. Shiro dashed in soon after, helping a terrified Lance immobilize Hunk's back and neck before transport.  
"Alright, Lance, stay calm. We need to get a board under Hunk so we can carry him out safely, okay?" Lance nodded and grabbed a large piece of detached sheet metal to place under Hunk. After this, the two men hefted Hunk out of the lion with some difficulty. Coran and the rest of the team (minus Pidge) was there waiting with a gurney to take Hunk to the healing pods. After some maneuvering, Lance helped Coran get the yellow paladin on the stretcher and ready for the pod.  
"I'm sorry, my boy," Coran sighed, helping him get Hunk ready. Lance shook his head and finished his task.  
"I'm just gonna go... process this..." He said, shaking. Coran nodded and watched the boy leave, face somber in thought. Lance walked to his room undisturbed and sat on his bed, pulling his jacket off and his sleeves up. He sighed. "I haven't done this in quite some time, huh?" He asked to nobody in particular. He grabbed his pocket knife from his backpack and went to his bathroom to stand over his sink. The motion of dragging the blade across his wrist was all too familiar, though it was in a new place. Lance thought about how he saw Pidge's arms and knew what she was feeling immediately. He remembered his nightmares of the healing pod not working. He saw her face, all too pale as he laid her in the ground on Earth. Hunk's screams echoed through his head and all too soon Lance was too shaky to hold his blade. He dropped it on the counter and fell to the floor, laying against the wall while he tried to blot the blood with a towel. He was lightheaded, and terribly so, but he couldn't ask for help. He needed this. Just as he was about to close his eyes, he heard his lion roar inside of his head, sending electric tingles throughout his body. Blue was upset, and she wanted Lance to stop hurting. Lance stood up shakily and grabbed a roll of gauze, sloppily wrapping his arms and stopping most of the bleeding before collapsing on his bed and falling asleep.  
The next thing Lance knows, Coran is shaking him frantically, yelling something about Pidge. Lance sat up quickly, discreetly hiding his arms with the blankets.  
"Pidge is awake!! She needs us!" Coran yelled, alight with excitement and worry. Lance gasped and nodded.  
"Alright Coran! Give me a moment to get ready, you hear?" The redhead nodded and left, Lance throwing on a clean shirt and his jacket to cover his wounds before dashing to the healing ward where Pidge was. The girl was sitting at an incline on her bed, shaking and obviously terrified. Lance immediately slowed down his approach and gave her time to react before taking one of her hands in his own. It seemed that Lance was the first one there, having been the closest and the first one Coran would've called. Pidge spoke, her voice barely above a crackling whisper, weakly squeezing Lance's hand.  
"Me et exsomnis?" She asked, shaking. Lance frowned.  
"What?" He asked, earning a confused look from Pidge.  
"Me. Et. Exsomnis?" She repeated. Lance took a moment to think about the words. "Me" must be referring to the self, he thought, and "somnis" means sleep, as in insomnia, so "exsomnis" must mean out of sleep. He decided to ask Pidge.  
"Are you awake?" He repeated, making sure he understood. She nodded. "Yes. I am really here this time, I promise. And I'm never leaving you again, okay?" Lance's voice was low and full of emotion. Pidge teared up and nodded, opening her arms weakly for a hug. Lance hugged her gently, running his fingers through her matted hair, shushing her quiet sobs. She buried her face in his shoulder, completely and utterly relieved to be home. Shiro and Matt ran in soon after, stopping short as the two saw Pidge clinging to Lance as she cried.  
"Pidge...?" Matt asked, slowly reaching out to Pidge. She pulled him into the hug as well, placing her ear over his chest to hear his heartbeat. She did the same to Lance before looking up and noticing Shiro, Keith, Allura and Coran standing back to give her space. She let go of Matt and Lance and opened her arms for a hug from Shiro and Keith. They both ran over, Keith openly crying as she hugged him. Pidge then listened to his and Shiro's hearts, relaxing when she heart them beating. She looked around and frowned, voice shaking in fear when she spoke.  
"Q-quo et Hunk...?" She asked, looking around shakily. Shiro spoke softly, trying to keep Pidge calm. Her heart rate was too fast.  
"Can you say that in English?" He asked. She looked at him in confusion.  
"Hic est anglicus!" She shook, her frail body barely containing her emotions. She looked like she was about to fall apart, and that worried Shiro. He looked at Matt, who thought a moment before speaking.  
"You're asking about Hunk, right?" She nodded. "Well, he's alright. He just needs a day or two in the healing pods. It's nothing to worry about" Matt placed a calming hand on her shoulder. Despite his reassurance Pidge stiffened, her pulse skyrocketing. Shiro looked at Coran worriedly, and the advisor stepped up, adding some sedative to her IV. She immediately relaxed, laying back on her pillow and snuggling into the blankets.  
"I believe that's enough for right now," Coran said. "Let's have someone new on watch, okay?" Matt was the first to raise his hand to volunteer, and Lance was about to object before the pain of his wrists and the fatigue from the past months caught up with him. He moved to let Matt have his seat, earning a nod from the older man in thanks. Lance left without a word and went back to sleep, his mind filled with concern for Pidge.

Matt hummed a Latin hymn his mother used to sing to him at night, rubbing Pidge's arm gently in an effort to help her sleep. The troubled girl was shaking, terrified about her nightmares, reluctant to have the chance of facing Haggar again.  
"What's wrong, Pidge?" Matt asked softly, moving to play with his sister's hair. She shuddered and whimpered.   
"Ego timor..." Matt frowned and kissed her forehead comfortingly.   
"There's no need to be afraid. I'll protect you. You'll never leave my arms again, you hear?" Pidge nodded shakily at his words, curling up tighter and closing her eyes after a moment. Matt continued to comfort her until he was sure she was asleep, but the two had only a few moments of peace before Pidge started dreaming. Her mumbling started out soft but quickly escalated into full blown screaming and crying in Latin. She thrashed around in her bed, her heart rate speeding up, forcing Matt to have to strap her down. She stopped the movements after a few minutes, but not before some of her wounds reopened and her nose started bleeding. Matt swore and called Shiro for help instead of Coran, giving the advisor a break for once. After a minute or so, Shiro came running in at full speed, gasping and immediately going to assess the damage. A large gash across Pidge's back had torn open at its deepest points and were gushing an angry red, creating a fast-growing puddle on the blankets. She started to toss and turn again.  
"Pin her down! I'm gonna have to stop the blood!" Shiro ordered, Matt scrambling to do what he was told. Shiro ripped open the back of Pidge's medical gown and pressed a compression bandage to the wound, earning a cry from the small girl. He cringed, but held pressure nonetheless. He looked at the heart monitor and gasped, terrified at how fast Pidge's pulse was. Matt was whispering into the girl's ear, trying to calm her down with a mix of Latin, English, and other languages he picked up while in space, but the attempt was futile. The green paladin's heart was just beating too fast for her frail little body to handle, and it gave out, causing her to go eerily still.   
It was at this moment that Matt knew his life was over. The sound of the heart rate monitor flatlining was a sound that shattered Matt's very spirit into little pieces, the young man uttering a cry from the depths of his soul as he collapsed to his knees. How was he going to tell his parents? He gripped Pidge's hand tightly as he cried, startling when Shiro basically slapped him upside the head.  
"Get out of my way!" The man yelled, shoving Matt aside and picking Pidge up. He laid the girl on the floor and Matt couldn't help but see how she was so small, so fragile in this moment. All her fire was gone and she was dead, goddamnit! She was dead and Matt couldn't do anything about it. Shiro yelled another order but Matt didn't hear until Shiro slapped his cheek yet again, leaving a stinging sensation where he hit.  
"Goddamn it, Matt! Call Coran and grab the defibrillator!" He yelled. Matt stumbled to his feet and did as he was told. Shiro muttered an apology to Pidge before placing his hands over her chest and beginning CPR. The man grimaced as he felt her rips pop under the pressure of his chest compressions, but he didn't stop, fearing instead the alternative to a few broken bones. Matt ran over with the Altean defibrillator and placed it at Shiro's feet, watching in utter horror. Shiro turned the machine on without missing a beat as he continued his rhythm of compressions. Matt watched as the following moments through a haze of pain as Shiro grabbed the machine and ripped the front Pidge's shirt open before placing the paddles on the correct places without skipping any step. He turned the machine on and everything seemed to slow down for Matt. He saw the machine charge up. He watched Shiro push the operation button. Pidge's torso lifted up as the paddles sent a huge amount of electricity into her chest. She didn't respond. Shiro tried again. Matt watched Pidge's body lift another time. He saw her whole frame shudder with a gasping breath as her heart jump started and Matt cried. He sobbed and dashed forward to cradle Pidge in his arms as she gulped air and slowly came to, rocking her gently and burying his face in her hair. Shiro covered Pidge's bare chest with his jacket, turning just in time to see Coran rush in fast as lightning, his hair mussed and shifted out of his disguise. Shiro nodded to Coran and seemed not to notice the man's scars as he explained what happened. Matt didn't care to hear any of this, though. His baby sister was safe and alive, and nothing else mattered.


	6. Chapter Six

The rest of the team had just heard about Pidge's death and Keith was pissed. Regret churned in his stomach like a whirlwind of emotion and he wished with all his might that he was able to spare the girl this pain. If only he'd found her sooner, then she wouldn't be so hurt. If only he hadn't let her go alone down that hall, if only he hadn't been distracted, if only. He found himself teary eyed when he walked in, gathering with the team in the med bay lounge to discuss the events. Lance was the last person to enter, face red and eyes puffy, having obviously been crying. The way he held his arms concerned Keith a bit, but he disregarded the thought as the result of being emotional. As soon as everyone was seated Allura started speaking.  
"We have all heard about Pidge's heart attack by now, so I want to give you an update on her health. She is stable, and I believe she is on the road to recovery. The quintessence infusions have been a success, thanks to Lance's idea, and she is healing rapidly. However, I would like to advise everyone to refrain from being too rough when changing her bedsheets since some of her ribs are healing and her bones are quite brittle. Any questions?" Nobody spoke up. "Alright. Shiro, you will have the first watch. Everyone else, please try to relax. Everything is alright!" The whole room dismissed with that statement, everyone to their respective positions, Lance being the last one to stand and leave due to being deep in thought. It was only after literally running into Coran did he realize that he wasn't hiding his emotions as well as he normally did. The advisor grabbed Lance's shoulders to steady the boy, watching his expressions carefully.  
"Lance, my boy, are you alright?" Coran asked, not removing his hands as he asked. Lance looked up at the man and tried to fake a smile, but under the ginger's knowing gaze he wilted and sighed, leaning forward into Coran for a hug.  
"No." His response was muffled by the man's jacket but he was heard all the same. Coran sighed and placed a hand on Lance's curly brown hair, stroking it soothingly as he comforted the boy. "I-I mean, Pidge died, Coran! Her heart stopped! I can't take this anymore!" He sobbed, clutching the advisor's vest as he cried. After a moment, Coran stepped back just enough to see Lance's face.  
"My boy... can I ask you a favor?"  
"U-uh sure, yeah, what do y-you need?" Lance sniffled, trying to compose himself in the face of a task.  
"Move your hands like this," Coran instructed, showing Lance his own hands, palms up. The boy did as he was told, bewildered, eyeing the man with confusion. Coran promptly pulled Lance's sleeves up in one swift yet gentle motion to reveal shoddily bandaged wrists with bloodstains seeping through the material. He stared unflinchingly, taking in the extent of what happened. Lance spluttered and yelped in surprise, trying to pull his arms away to no avail; the man's grip was too tight. He accepted his fate and stood still after a few moments of struggling, suddenly finding his shoes to be the most interesting thing in the universe (and that was saying something, considering robot lions and all). After a moment, Coran released his hold and tugged Lance back in for another hug.  
"C-Coran I'm--" he tried protesting.  
"None of that, dear boy. Apologizing for the past won't help the future, after all. Do you remember what we talked about a few nights ago?" Lance flinched. Even after all the love and help Coran offered, Lance had still let him down. He'd given into the dark thoughts and let them consume him until he was left in a puddle of his own blood. Coran noticed the guilt, of course he did, and he gently steered Lance down a new hallway. "Follow me, alright? We're going to get you all fixed up, son. You don't have to be alone any more." Lance nodded and followed Coran, absentmindedly taking the man's hand for security as he looked around anxiously. Coran stiffened for a moment before melting into the touch and squeezing Lance's hand back gently. The pair walked down the hall in silence before Coran stopped at a door and opened it with his free hand. Lance seemed to realize he had grabbed the advisor's hand because he pulled it away, looking down in embarrassment and and into the room he had stopped at. It seemed that the room was none other than Coran's quarters, as was evidenced by the picture of a younger Coran and King Alfor sitting on the nightstand and various Altean trinkets scattered across the room in different locations. Lance paused at the doorframe, watching Coran enter, seemingly unaffected by the paladin's previous actions. The ginger turned and looked at him expectantly before speaking.   
"What's wrong? Is there something in here that disturbs you?" He asked, mustache drooping slightly in disappointment. Lance was quick to answer, raising his hands placatingly before hissing in pain at the quick movement.  
"No! No, it's not that! It's just-- this is your room, I don't want to intrude!" Coran huffed in amusement before waving Lance in.  
"You're fine! I'm honestly surprised that nobody but Allura has come in yet. My door's always open, you know!" He chuckled and went to a cabinet, pulling out a first aid kit and taking a seat on the bed. He patted the spot next to him and pulled out some bandages, disinfectant and a suture kit. Lance sat next to him obediently, holding his arms out at the man's cue. Coran disinfected the wounds and was surprised that Lance didn't so much as cringe a bit as he did so. As Coran sutured the deepest cuts and bandaged Lance's arms, the boy sat in silence, holding his arms perfectly still and refusing to show any signs of pain whatsoever. The Altean man documented this and decided to dwell on the implications of this action at another time. He finished bandaging the wounds and looked at Lance, who blinked and snapped out of his thoughts before smiling at Coran and rolling his sleeves down to cover the gauze. After a few moments of loaded silence, the blue paladin started to fidget and look uncomfortable with the Altean man doing nothing more than watching him with a careful eye. Finally, the man spoke.  
"Do you want someone to keep you company tonight?" He asked, the implication clear: 'Do you need someone to make sure you don't hurt yourself again?' The worry for Lance was etched into the advisor's features, and the boy thought about the idea for a moment before answering.  
"I... Don't want to burden others." He finally replied. I don't want to admit I need help and support only to be scolded for being vulnerable.  
"Oh, it's no burden at all, my boy! Why don't you and I have one of your Earth 'sleepovers,' eh?" The Altean winked and twirled his mustache, purposefully playing up his cheer to ease Lance. It seemed to work, the boy finally relaxing the tension in his shoulders and letting out a small smile.   
"I'd like that."

Keith walked the halls after hearing the news about Pidge's status, once again shaking off the leaden feeling in his gut as he turned to head towards the training deck, intent on beating his previous high score with the gladiator and exhausting himself so he might actually get some sleep that night. He stopped by his room to grab his bayard before heading back to his original destination. As he walked in and chose a setting more advanced than he'd ever tried before, he noted with mild interest the fact that the gladiator at this level had a sharpened weapon, not a dull blade or a stun stick. Keith started the training sequence and began his dance of swords. His blade hummed through the air as he parried an attack and made one of his own, unable to fully dodge the next attack. He felt the sharp pain of the sword slicing him across the chest, but he didn't stop fighting, barely taking a moment to register the wound before launching into another series of attacks. Pain almost didn't register as he attacked and dodged, bobbing and weaving around the room, eyes trained solely on the fight at hand, his body merely an instrument of destruction in battle. It wasn't until Keith was basically stabbed in the bicep that he called "end training sequence!" and staggered to the first aid kit. He frowned at the red dotting the floor and dripping from his various wounds, trying to shakily grab a roll of gauze and patch himself up, barely noticing a figure advance behind him.  
"Hello there, Keith!" Allura called almost directly in his ear, earning a repressed "fuck!" and a startled expression from the boy. The Princess merely frowned, sitting next to him in her battle armor and surveying the mess. "I see you tried a level that is three units above your skill ability. And how did that work out, might I ask?" Her tone carried a different message: 'what the actual shit do you think you're doing; do you want to get killed?' Keith merely shrugged and kept trying- and failing- to address his wounds. Allura finally had enough of Keith's sad display of medical ability and grabbed the gauze from him, quickly and securely bandaging his wounds with a skilled experience that bewildered the young man. He made to ask her how she knew how to bandage wounds but one glare from the woman made him shut up and listen to the lecture she was ready to unleash upon him. Allura took a moment to center herself before speaking.  
"Keith. What on Altea were you thinking, starting on a level even I haven't been able to master yet? In this level the gladiator will not stop until you win or 'end training sequence' is called! What if you were unable to speak because the air was knocked out of you? The robot would have killed you, and that would be the end of Voltron as we know it. That's quite a lackluster way to die, and I'm disappointed you'd even think you're better than this level when I have specifically explained this to you before! You should know better, and I expect you to not pull this stunt again. Now, if you'll excuse me, I am going to have the training deck run its cleaning sequence before I train. I strongly suggest you visit the medical bay to have your wounds healed." With that, Allura stood abruptly and marched over to where the control panel was. Keith recognized an order when he heard one, trudging to the medical ward to use the nanobots on his arm.


	7. Chapter Seven

Lance trudged to Coran's room a few varga after the two talked, face products and clothing in one basket and some headphones and an eye mask in the other. The advisor smiled warmly, welcoming the boy into his room where a cot was already set up. Lance set his stuff down quietly and dropped onto the cot made for him. It was surprisingly comfortable, the boy noted, laying down and hugging Hunk's jacket close like a teddy bear. Lance closed his eyes, tearing up and not wanting to worry the ginger man with him he buried his face in the jacket and sighed. Coran sat on the edge of the cot and gently placed a hand on Lance's shoulder to get his attention.  
"Don't worry. Hunk should be out of the pod in less than a quintant, if not sooner! I can see that you're exhausted, so I'm going to read a book on my bed and let you rest. Don't be afraid to wake me up, dear boy, and please ask for help when you need it." Lance nodded, barely pulling his face away from the jacket before hiding back in it again. Coran smiled quietly and went to go do as he said, humming softly to himself. Lance relaxed and soon enough, the grip of sleep slowly took him over.  
A full night's sleep later, Coran was gently waking the boy up, talking about how Hunk would be out very soon, and Lance shot out of bed like a rocket, feeling better than he had in weeks. He and Coran ran to the medical bay and waited for the yellow paladin to emerge from the healing pod. The rest of the team soon arrived, everyone giving Lance the opportunity to first hug Hunk, and when the boy stumbled out of the pod that's exactly what Lance did. He didn't let go even when the larger boy tried to move to hug the others, and everyone soon realized Lance was crying. Shiro gave Hunk a look and nodded at the expression he received, herding everyone else out of the room with the promise that they would see Hunk later. After everyone filed out, Hunk gently pried Lance away and smiled softly.  
"I'm okay now, Lance. Why are you upset?" Lance sniffled and met Hunk's eyes with a sniffle.  
"I... I relapsed. I was stupid and I went back on all the progress I'd made!" The boy dissolved into another fit of sobs, clutching Hunk's shirt like a lifeline. He hugged Lance close, tearing up a little himself and sighing sadly.  
"Oh, Lance... I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you..." the blue paladin sniffled and didn't respond, so Hunk took it as a signal to keep talking. "But I am here for you now, and I'm not planning on leaving any time soon. Do you wanna go back to my room and cuddle and playvideo games? I know that contact helps you ground yourself, and I haven't been able to give that to you." Hunk paused for a moment, coming to a realization. "Did you get help when you started feeling bad? Please don't tell me you suffered alone!" Lance shook his head and look up at Hunk, still hugging the other boy.  
"No... Coran found out. I don't know how he saw through my façade, but that man is more observant than we realize. He let me stay the night on a cot in his room, and I was actually able to sleep for once. So don't worry. He knows. Actually, he was the one who bandaged me up, so that's nice, I guess..." Lance trailed off and he let go of Hunk, looking down ashamedly. Hunk set a hand on his shoulder, drawing Lance's gaze.  
"I'm glad you had help. Now that I'm back, though, what can I do for you?" He asked seriously.  
"I think I'm gonna take you up on the offer to cuddle." Hunk smiled and walked with Lance to his room, where he got dressed in the bathroom and then met the blue paladin in the common room for some well- needed bro bonding time.

Meanwhile, Allura was with Pidge, gently brushing the mats from the sleeping girl's hair. She sighed,  
fighting with one particularly stubborn tangle, finally getting through it and moving on to the next mat. It was impressive how fast Pidge's hair grew while in captivity, but Allura figured it made sense due to the polluted quintessence being sent straight into her veins while in the Galra's hands. Now that evil energy was being flushed out of the girl's system with a mixture of general, Allura's and the Green Lion's own quintessence through a piece of her power crystal in a necklace. Green suggested the idea herself, showing Coran and Allura how to access the crystal. Lance, after a few hours of thinking, figured out how to remove a part of the crystal without hurting Green, actually being able to communicate with her via a computer and by conversing with Matt. He also created a design for the shard's casing and Allura admitted it was quite beautiful, with a quaint spiral vine holding it to the chain. Allura finished brushing Pidge's hair and gently started to braid sections of it in intricate patterns as she thought. Keith had started hiding in his room for hours on end, only to exit with his gloveless hands covered in paint or with bits of colorful fuzz littering his shirt. Allura was suspicious, but Shiro had given her a knowing smile when she asked him about it and told her to just let Keith do that which he planned. She thought maybe it was just his coping mechanism until the red paladin himself entered the room with a lumpy mass of knitted wool and a small painting. He saw allura and hesitated until she turned back to braiding Pidge's hair, paying the boy no heed. Keith set the painting on the table and unfolded the wool to reveal a sweater with a green lion pattern as the focus and the other lions on the sleeves. There was the red and black lions on one and the blue and yellow lions on the other, and allura thought it was a very cute and thoughtful gift from Keith. Wordlessly, she helped Keith put the sweater on a very asleep Pidge, smiling softly at the red paladin and going back to braiding the girl's hair. Keith eventually sat next to Allura, gently taking Pidge's hand in a moment of vulnerability. The Princess knew better than to comment on his behavior, so she started humming to herself instead, reaching over to a nearby table and braiding gold thread into the sleeping green paladin's hair. Keith smiled softly and reached to grab the bundle of thread, handing one to Allura each time she started a new braid. The two became a team, Allura braiding and Keith handing her the accessories and humming when The Princess stopped. As the braiding session came to a close, she finally spoke, whispering so as to not break the mood.  
"How is your arm?" She didn't move her focus, allowing Keith time to think.  
"It's better. Still a little sore, but better." He paused for a few moments. "Thank you for talking sense into me. I'm sorry I was so stupid."  
"Thank you for the apology, Keith." Allura finally looked up to meet the boy's eyes after she finished securing the last braid. "I'm sorry I didn't offer help to you sooner. Is there anything I can do for you?" Keith thought for a moment before slowly leaning into Allura's shoulder, wrapping his arm around her shoulders in an awkward hug. Feeling like she should fix the awkwardness, the girl turned to face Keith and pulled him into a proper hug, not commenting as she heard the boy sniffle and felt him shudder with quiet cries. She rubbed soothing circles into his back and after a little while of sitting like that, he stood and wiped his face. He nodded at Allura and whispered a genuine thanks before leaving to think about the past few days' events. Allura watched him leave before turning to the painting he had left for Pidge. It was a full team photo, including Matt, Krolia, Kolivan, and even Pidge's parents Sam and Colleen. It was gorgeous, beautiful enough to be hung in Altea's royal court, and Allura smiled softly. She'd have to talk to Keith about his skills later, but for now, she just sat in thought as she monitored Pidge's state. Soon enough, Matt entered the room quietly, absentmindedly scratching at the unkempt scruff on his chin as he plopped in a seat next to his sister's bed, giving a nod and a light hum of greeting as he did so. Allura smiled softly and patted his shoulder as she left, heading to her room where she started looking through her closet for her jewelry crafting kit. This was a skill many female Alteans learned as young children, meaning that no two accessories were the same. Allura sat on the floor of her spacious room and laid out the craft supplies around her, working on making a pair of bracelets with deep Altean meaning behind them. The style Allura used was reserved for a member of the royal family who was the youngest sibling of his or her close family group as a symbol of love and protection from the older siblings. Allura even wove different words from different metals together to form shimmering patterns of juniberry flowers and Altean tunes for protection and healing. It took the princess a few varga to make the pair of cuffs, but when she was finished they were the most beautiful pieces of jewelry the girl had ever made, and she knew Pidge would appreciate the meaning behind them. After this Allura finally looked at the clock to see that it was quite late into the castle's day cycle, and she quickly cleaned up her room and headed down to the dining hall for dinner, only to be the last one there, save for Pidge's monitor, who was Hunk at the moment. Lance had moved seats to sit next to Coran in his best friend's absence, but nobody commented on the fact that the advisor and the blue paladin had grown so close so quickly. Allura set the bracelets, now in a delicate box, on the table and went to get food. Coran opened the box and let out a small gasp of surprise, immediately recognizing the jewelry and its significance. He closed the container after a moment and sat back in his chair, thinking intently on the past and how much Team Voltron has grown. Allura reentered the room and sat in her place at the head of the table, eating quickly in silence. Shiro was the first to ask the obvious question.  
"So... what's in the box?" Allura looked up and finished her bite of food goo before answering.  
"It's a gift for Pidge. They're bracelets I made as a gift of deep Altean significance. They're called munilu cuffs and they symbolize the protection and love of an older sibling, used in the royal family of Altea. I thought Pidge would appreciate the meaning behind them, and making them kept my hands busy, so I'm glad I had this idea." The rest of the team nodded before returning to their food quietly, each thinking of the significance of the bracelets and what they can do for Pidge when she wakes up, or even how they can give her comfort as she sleeps. In the meantime, Allura finished her food and hurried off to Pidge's temporary room to deliver her gift. She entered the room and nodded to Hunk, who held Pidge's hand in his own. He smiled and sat up at the princess' arrival, smiling as he saw Allura place the bracelets on Pidge's arms. The cuffs were fitting yet loose enough to keep one from thinking they were restraints, gorgeous designs glinting in the bright white lights of the hospital ward.  
"They're beautiful, Allura. Did you make them yourself?" Hunk asked, eyes wide as he admired the craftsmanship of the jewelry.  
"Yes, actually. They represent dedication of one or many older siblings to the youngest. These types of patterns are used in the royal family, and I believe they are most fitting in this moment. There is a legend that if the youngest member of the royal family is in trouble, they can call upon their older siblings to protect them through the bracelets. I don't know if this is true or not, but Pidge needs as much aid she can get." Hunk nodded. The room was quiet for a while after that. After a while, Allura left, walking past Matt as he headed to his shift. The two nodded to each other in silence. Matt went into Pidge's temporary room, taking Hunk's place at her side as his shift started. He sighed and absentmindedly scratched at the stubble on his chin as he settled in for a long rotation.

After his shift, Matt trudged to his room, feet dragging behind him. During the time he was in the med bay, Coran entered and ran some tests, deeming it appropriate that he place Pidge into a medicated coma to maximize her healing rate. Matt held his sister's hand until she fell asleep before seeing his shift come to an end. Shiro had practically shoved him out of the room with the orders "get some rest!" and now he found himself at his door. He punched the code into the panel and flopped onto his bed, barely able to remove his shoes before he fell asleep.  
He was then startled by the castle's intercom blaring at full volume.  
"Paladins, please report to the bridge immediately! It is of the utmost importance!" Allura's voice suddenly rang out across the castle's speakers. He jumped out of bed and dashed to the bridge only a few seconds behind Shiro.  
"What is it, princess?" The man asked, always the first to arrive. Allura looked up at the Paladins as they entered the room, a look of hope on her face.  
"We've found Pidge!" She exclaimed. Matt froze before bolting to the green lion frantically, throwing on his resistance armor in casual denial of his position and heading to the lion's hangar, shaking off a feeling of dejavú as he ran.  
"Matt!" Shiro called to no avail. "Matthew Daniel Holt! You come back here this instant or so help me I will kick your ass!" Matt stopped short, startled at Shiro's harsh words. The older man just sighed and put a gentle hand on his friend's shoulder. "You didn't hear the full report. She's on a meteor near Sentaria and the prison she's in is heavily guarded. She... She's been visited by different generals many times. I'd brace myself. I'd offer to let you stay behind, but the green lion is the only one with a cloak and I know you'd want to go save your sister anyway."  
"You're damn right, Shiro. I'm not leaving without my little sister, even if it means I have to kill every soldier on that base first." Matt spoke quietly, his voice shaky and full of rage. Shiro nodded curtly and turned to go to his lion.  
Matt entered his lion and shot off towards the base like a bullet, far ahead of everyone else. He couldn't listen to much of the radio chatter over the roaring thoughts in his head of 'found Katie save Katie hurryhurryhurry' and he entered the base without a hitch, the Galra unaware of the intrusion.  
"I'm in, guys. Time to kick some purple ass!" Lance laughed at Matt's remark and followed Shiro as the team set towards the base. Matt sighed in relief and sat back on his haunches, wiping his brow. The coding was more advanced than normal, and he was definitely out of practice. Team Voltron had been avoiding as many conflicts as possible since Katie had been captured, focusing on finding their lost family member, and it was coming back to haunt them. He stood and waited for the rumble of explosions and the blare of alarms to sound before heading to the prisoner's ward. Fear twisted in his stomach at what he may find as he neared Pidge's cell.  
"Stop right there, rebel!" A Galra soldier called from behind Matt, gun raised. Matt stopped and turned around before activating his bayard to reveal a spear, almost feeling bad for the soldier as he fell to the ground. Almost. Matt turned back to the cell door and opened it quickly, switching off his microphone as he did so. What met his eyes was an image beyond that out of a nightmare.  
"K-Katie..?" He choked out, staring at the crumpled and bloody mess of a girl in front of him. Her torso was bare, revealing whip marks and red, angry Lichtenberg scars littering her back. Her undersuit was ripped off at the waist, torn and ragged from overuse. It was only after he stared for a moment that Matt noticed the cuts on Pidge's arms. He rushed to her side as he stabbed the lock controls with his spear to lock the door, a string of curses from mixed languages leaving his lips. He felt for a pulse and frantically started working to save Pidge when he felt almost nothing, removing his cloak and trying to staunch the bleeding. He watched as the world seemed to slow down. Pidge's chest rose, stopped, then fell, over and over again until it didn't any more. Matt choked back a sob and started chest compressions, moving to rescue breaths when that didn't work and finally resorting to shocking her chest with his electric bayard, not noticing Shiro enter the room. He had no idea how many times he tried to save his sister before he was stopped, the black paladin grabbing his bayard and pulling it out of his grasp. The man's face was stern and disappointed, almost on the verge of anger when he spoke.  
"This was your fault."

And then Matt was falling.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh my GOD this took so looooooong!!!
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

Matt woke up with a shout to find himself on the floor, sweaty and crying as he realized he’d just had a nightmare. There was a knock on the door announcing Shiro’s arrival before he entered, kneeling next to his friend.  
“I heard you shout. Are you alright?” Matt sighed.   
“Yeah, I just had a nightmare...” he bowed his head and rubbed the tears from his face. Shiro frowned.  
“I understand. I have only really slept once since we found Pidge, and that was when I passed out next to your hospital bed. Nightmares are hard, and I try to avoid them by just not sleeping. I’ve found that talking about them helps, and I’ve seen so much that violent dreams don’t surprise me anymore, so I’m open for a vent.” Matt nodded and leaned against his bunk, closing his eyes and sighing.  
“I wasn’t fast enough a-and she was dead... you said it was my fault...” he sobbed and pulled his legs to his chest, hiding his face in his knees. “It’s so scary because that could’ve happened if I weren’t fast enough... it’s all too real!” Shiro stared for a moment, aghast, before pulling Matt in for a hug.  
“I’d never do that. I’ve been dreaming like that too, and it’s driving me crazy. How about we head to the kitchen and grab some tea and a couple of of those little cakes Hunk made, okay?” Shiro stood. Matt nodded and took Shiro’s hand to help himself up, the two heading for the kitchen. Shiro didn’t seem to be surprised when he found everyone else in the room (save for Keith who had to watch Pidge since it was his shift), but Matt was confused. He had no idea the rest of Team Voltron felt as he did. Maybe he should’ve headed to the kitchen more often when he couldn’t sleep; he could’ve helped others get through their struggles. The thought was dismissed, however, when a weirdly awake- looking Hunk brought in milk and some cookies he just made. It had been a few varga after Hunk’s release from the pods, and the man had baked up an anxious storm. Matt and Shiro sat at the table after grabbing some dessert and thanking Hunk. The room was quiet after that, and Lance soon broke the silence with an awkward dip of his head as he spoke, unable to stand the silence for too long.  
“Can we have another Paladin Pile?” He asked. Matt shrugged.  
“I’m game.” The Paladin Pile™️ was a sort of joke that Keith of all people came up with. It was the term given to the many sleepovers Team Voltron had after a rough battle, still too wired and connected to one another to fully separate their minds. The sleepover usually ended up in a tangle of limbs in the morning, thus being called a pile. After a few moments of consideration, Allura spoke.  
“I don’t see why not,” she said, standing to deposit her dirty dishes in the sink. Everyone else finished up eating soon after and rushed to the common room nearest to the medical bay to set up. Matt grabbed pillows from the various rooms around and after some arranging, the base of blankets was made for the Pile. Everyone settled in, even Coran, and alarms were set for those who had a watch soon. Matt settled between Hunk and Shiro, and when he started to have nightmares in the middle of the night, he was quickly enveloped by warm hugs from his teammates and was shushed back to sleep. Everything was as peaceful as it could get. Meanwhile, Keith kept watch over Pidge, struggling with his own problems.

Keith sniffled, wiping the tears from his eyes as he buried his face in his arms. He held Pidge’s hand, calming himself as he rode out the aftermath of a panic attack. He had heard one of the mice knock over a bowl of some sort and the clatter reminded him of the battle he fought through to get to Pidge. He saw the way her frail body looked in Matt’s arms, smelled the iron in the air from her blood, and the look on Matt’s face broke his heart. Keith shook his head again. He didn’t need to focus on this right now, Pidge was alive and right here, and all Keith needed to do now was breathe and calm down. He took a few steadying breaths before he felt the nudge of pressure at the base of his skull signaling the presence of Red stirring. Keith immediately relaxed into the familiar thrum of her quintessence throughout his mind and settled into a wordless exchange of thoughts and feelings to his lion. He once again was supplied with the idea of holding Pidge close, but this time she wasn’t the one struggling to calm down. Keith sighed and shook his head. He couldn’t invade her personal space like that. Besides, isn’t that going to look really weird? Red did this mental version of a shrug that said she knew the rest of the team would understand and she didn’t care, but Keith did and he wanted to keep his dignity, thank you very much. However, Red insisted, reminding him that he sleeps best when he’s near Pidge and can help her at a moment’s notice. After a few more minutes of internal argument, Keith compromised and grabbed a few chairs and created a chair bed, gently folding his jacket up and using it as a pillow. As soon as he closed his eyes, he fell asleep.  
When he woke up a few varga later, Lance was coming to take his shift. The blue paladin stopped short as he saw a groggy looking Keith sit up and sniff, wiping away the tears from a nightmare he couldn’t remember. Keith sighed frustratedly and shoved his jacket back on, stalking past Lance and out of the room. Lance quickly grabbed the boy’s arm before he could leave, tugging him in for a hug wordlessly, obviously surprised when the other boy reciprocated. Keith let his emotions take over as he held onto Lance and cried, all the pent up stress and anger he had felt over the past few weeks finally rushing out in a wave of tears. Lance rubbed circles into Keith’s back, tearing up himself as he imagined what it must be like to feel so alone, your only support being a scarred man who was only concerned with finding his best friend’s sister and bringing her home. He must feel so isolated, Lance thought, hugging Keith just a little bit tighter. As it was, Shiro almost never spoke to Keith since the battle where Pidge was lost. It was almost as if the man blamed the red paladin for things he couldn’t control. After a few minutes of just standing like that, Keith finally pulled away, nodding to Lance in a mixture of an apology, acknowledgement and thanks. Lance nodded back and slowly walked to Pidge’s bedside, putting his head in his hands. Not very long after, Pidge started to stir, whimpering and opening her eyes a fraction. She immediately squeezed them shut again at the castle’s bright light, and Lance had never had emotional whiplash that fast before. He went from tired to upset to confused to amazed to excited to concerned in less than three seconds, and it almost left him dizzy. He pressed a button on the wall and the lights dimmed, Pidge humming in relief as she opened her eyes again and looked around. Lance grinned.  
“Hey there sleepyhead. How do you feel?” Pidge blinked at him with owlish eyes, considering the question for a moment before grunting noncommittally and letting her head fall back onto the pillow. Lance chuckled and gently pushed her hair out of her face as she yawned and relaxed, soon falling back asleep. Lance smiled at Pidge’s peaceful expression and planted a gentle kiss on her forehead before settling back and monitoring her vitals.  
Meanwhile, Keith’s outburst had encouraged the young man to visit Shiro and set things straight. He walked to the common room to see the Paladin Pile™️ in the middle of the ring of couches, everyone except Lance and Shiro present and asleep. Keith sighed sadly, knowing that Shiro was almost guaranteed to be pacing through the halls in a secluded part of the castle. Keith decided he didn’t want to spend countless varga looking for the man, and instead chose to head for the training room yet again. He moved to the back corner of the room, throwing his hair up in a messy bun as he threw his jacket off and assumed a fighting stance in front of the heavy- duty punching bag Allura had set up a few months back. He began throwing a series of punches and kicks at the bag, quickly working up a sweat as he let out all of his resentment and feelings of abandonment. He screamed as he threw punches as hard as he could, only stopping when he quit seeing red and instead saw crimson smattered across the punching bag, floor and his knuckles. He growled at the color and angrily went to grab paper towels and clean the mess. He was able to clean everything without it staining, and kept his knuckles from dripping blood until he made it to his room, where he just stared blankly at the color coming from his hands. ‘Is this wrong?’ He thought to himself. ‘Surely this isn’t self destructive behavior, right? It was just an honest accident.’ He, the one and only Keith Kogane, couldn’t be depressed; that was for petty attention seeking girls or for horribly abused children! He wasn’t seeking attention; that was for sure, seeing as he hated being in the limelight, and he wasn’t abused as a child. Sure, he was orphaned and had nobody to talk to since his foster siblings were assholes, but that wasn’t abuse. He had no right to feel this way, especially since it was his fault that Pidge was hurt in the first place. Keith growled angrily and slammed his fist into the wall, wincing as he heard a pop and more blood exploded forth from his wounded knuckles. He put his back to the wall and slid down it, sobbing as he became overwhelmed with his emotions.  
This is how Shiro found his pseudo- brother, sobbing in his own room as blood dripped from his hands and covered the wall. The boy almost choked on a garbled version of “help” as he panicked, staring at the blood on his hands as if he didn’t think it was his own. Shiro rushed forward and gathered Keith into his arms, holding him close as he attempted to stop the panic attack from getting worse. Eventually, the boy calmed down, sobs fading to hiccups and then into silence. Shiro spoke first.  
“Keith. What’s wrong?” His voice was smooth and emotionless, and the hard edge that was in his voice made Keith flinch away as he realized who was holding him. Shiro frowned, unaware of what he’d done, but made no move to chase after the boy. Keith looked at the black paladin warily before speaking with a tone of voice Shiro had only heard him use against enemy soldiers.  
“Nothing you’d care about, fearless leader.” It was Shiro’s turn to flinch. In a flash, the man realized how much he’d been neglecting his brother, the boy with more damage than he himself realized. Keith, the fucking eighteen year old who needs physical contact because he was left behind by those he loved, the child with an unrealized self hatred, Keith Kogane. Shiro’s heart shattered. He had forgotten the promise he made when his family adopted Keith.  
I’ll never abandon you.  
He had failed his brother.  
And Keith Shirogane-Kogane was abandoned once more.

Hunk was stress baking again.  
He woke up from a nightmare to see that Shiro and Keith were gone outside of their watch and he remembered that the two weren’t getting along very well. Thus, he stressed. Hunk grabbed the milk from Kaltenecker, some eggs from a weird chicken- looking animal, and some flour from the Arusians and threw it into a bowl. He went around the kitchen smelling spices and tasting ingredients until he found what he assumed to be yeast, sugar and garlic. After mixing the ingredients thoroughly, he left the dough to rise, immediately moving on to taking some milk and making butter. As time passed, Hunk became lost in his thoughts as he went through the motions of making bread and butter, hoping that Keith was okay. Hunk had noticed the red paladin slowly retract into his shell, giving Shiro hopeful looks when he thought nobody was watching only to be waved off or ignored. He obviously blamed himself for deciding to split away from Pidge right before she was captured, and he needed his older brother to reassure him it wasn’t his fault. That seemed to never happen however, and Hunk was growing concerned for the boy’s mental health. Everyone on the team knew how destructive Keith could be to himself and to others, and now it was only a matter of time before someone got hurt. A varga or so later, Lance entered the kitchen, burying his face into Hunk’s back and sighing sadly. The yellow paladin didn’t miss a beat, hoisting Lance onto his back before continuing to knead the dough he had been working on. The blue paladin held onto Hunk with practiced ease, burying his face in the other boy’s shoulder as he rested and thought through what had gone on during his shift. After a minute or two of being left to process, Lance spoke.  
“I saw Keith cry today.” He began, earning a neutral hum from Hunk. “He was asleep in the chairs next to Pidge, and I think he had a nightmare. When I hugged him, he hugged back and just cried. I’m worried for him now. He never wants physical contact, especially not from me! I’ve noticed Shiro grow more distant with him and instead closer to Matt. I don’t know what’s going on, but Keith is about ready to break. What can we do to stop him, though?” Hunk started twisting the dough into knots as he thought out loud.  
“He needs some A+ Hunk cuddles for sure, and maybe someone to go over what happened. We still don’t know exactly how Pidge was, erm, captured, but we know Keith saw it happen and he blames himself. Maybe I can cuddle and you can talk? You two are actually more similar than you realize.” Hunk replied, stopping his working of the dough to think. Lance hummed before going stiff as he remembered Keith almost crashing into the Galra ship to defeat it, thus sacrificing himself in the process.  
“Hunk… he’s not gonna kill himself, is he?” Hunk turned as best as he could to look Lance in the eye.  
“Not on my watch, he isn’t.” The yellow paladin finished making his garlic knots before putting the dough in the oven and washing his hands with a controlled and deliberate intensity. Lance got off Hunk’s back and walked behind him as the two made their way towards Keith’s room. Hunk heard the sound of crying and bolted to the door. Meanwhile, Keith watched Shiro’s face go from confusion to realization and finally to dread, losing hope at the fact that his brother forgot their promise. He sobbed, freezing when a worried and fierce Hunk barged through the door, immediately sensing the situation. Hunk saw Shiro’s guilt and Keith’s hopeless expression, deeming Shiro as the threat and the cause of Keith’s distress. He grabbed the black paladin by the shoulders and promptly slung him out of the room with a hissed “leave him alone!” as he went. Lance barely dodged the man as he flew past and barely made it into the room before Hunk slammed the close button and overrode its operating panel on the other side, effectively locking everyone out. Keith was frozen on the floor, knuckles still bleeding when the yellow paladin finally softened his stance and went to comfort his friend. At the sight of Keith’s fear, Hunk kneeled before him and opened his arms wide for a hug. The red paladin seemed to hesitate for a moment before throwing himself into Hunk’s arms with a sob, clinging to his jacket as he cried. Lance stood beside the door, keeping guard as Keith calmed down, watching the scene with a somber expression and an unsettling level of understanding and empathy.  
“Keith… it wasn’t your fault.” Lance was surprisingly the first to speak. He leaned against the wall as he voiced his opinion while Keith pulled away from Hunk to wipe his face. “You split up from Pidge, sure, but so did Hunk and I. Shit happens, man, and if you blame yourself for it then you’ll only end up where I am. Don’t be like Lance and dwell in the past, be like Keith and move on. Keith is the kind of guy who barrels headfirst into the future without any second glances or regrets from the past.” Lance grabbed the first aid kit and started to wrap Keith’s knuckles, pausing to look his friend in the eyes as he continued. “We all have things we regret, and we all have coping mechanisms. I’m not trying to tell you what to do, I’m telling you the results of your actions. You’ve hurt yourself again. Badly. You won’t be able to grip a sword handle for at least a week right now, and you’ve scared the living shit out of Hunk and I. All I can think about is the time you almost killed yourself in that Galra fighter and though I have so many damn questions about what the hell was going on in your head, I’ll wait to ask. What I mean to say is, I was afraid you’d killed yourself, man. And as it is, Hunk already has to worry about me doing that, so don’t make him worry about you too. Find another way to cope. Make some art, write a book, read a book, dance, hell, cover yourself in peanut butter and wriggle on the floor like a happy little slug if you want to, just please, don’t be so destructive. If you keep this up, you won’t be the only one you’re hurting. Believe me, I know.” Keith frowned. How had he not noticed? Lance was hurting too, and so was Hunk and everyone else. He frowned, suddenly feeling guilty as he pulled back in towards himself. Lance noticed, of course he did (the asshole never misses anything), and he quickly remedied his statement.  
“I’m not saying this to guilt trip you, Keith. I’m literally begging you to get help. Think about Keith Kogane for once, and stop being so destructive towards yourself!” Hunk gently patted Lance’s shoulder as he broke down into quiet tears, pulling the boy into his side as he once again offered a hug to Keith. He nodded and leaned back into the yellow paladin’s touch, a bit more hesitant as he became more aware of what was going on. Hunk then laid back on the floor, effectively cuddling both Lance and Keith as the two began to talk about what had happened.  
“Lance… I’m sorry, I really am. I didn’t know this was affecting you so much.” Keith apologized, fidgeting with his hands as he spoke. “I guess this whole thing has hurt us all pretty deeply.” Lance nodded and moved to where he could see Keith’s face before speaking.  
“Can… can you tell me what happened that day? Please?” The desperation for answers was evident on Lance’s face, and Keith found himself nodding.  
“I…” his mouth went dry as he recalled the events. Hunk squeezed his shoulder, encouraging him to continue. “As you both know, Pidge and I were paired together. We had to sweep the lower floors, and it wasn’t supposed to be a high-risk mission. I suggested we split up to cover more ground, seeing as we hadn’t seen any sentries- robotic or otherwise- and we could still keep in touch. I had entered a lower control room a few minutes after, and I could see the active map of the floor. I noticed we’d been spotted and that flesh and blood soldiers were on their way towards Pidge. I tried to warn her, but it was too late. She screamed and I ran, getting to her just in time to see the guards lifting her bloody body onto a hover cart and whisk her towards the lower deck’s hangars. I fought as many as I could, but no amount of spilled Galra blood could’ve turned that ship back around. You know the rest from there.” Both Lance and Hunk nodded. Hunk remembered the day all too clearly.

Pidge screamed, something shrill and unnerving before she went quiet.  
“Pidge?” Shiro called. No response. “Katie, talk to me!”  
“Goddamn it! You put her down now!” Keith snarled, the sounds of battle filling his end of the comms.  
“Everyone get to Keith and Pidge, now!” Shiro ordered, and Hunk hadn’t ran that fast in a long while. When he finally got to where Keith was, the boy was soaked in blood- both his own and the Galra soldiers’- and Pidge was nowhere to be seen. Keith collapsed, and Hunk barely caught him before he hit the floor, calling for a pod and carrying the red paladin back to the castle.  
“Keith, there’s nothing you could’ve done,” Hunk said, patting the boy’s shoulder. He sniffed, burying his face in Hunk’s shoulder as he began to cry once again  
‘I should’ve fought harder. I should’ve stayed with her. I should’ve been the one taken!” He sobbed, and Hunk pulled his arm away from Lance to fully encompass the distressed boy in his arms. Lance sat up and set a hand on Keith’s shoulder, face grim as the boy cried. He waited until Hunk had everything under control before working on opening the door. He was able to undo Hunk’s coding (Lance didn’t know why people thought he was too dumb to work on computers; he understood them just fine) and entered the hallway to see Shiro sitting opposite the door with the bleakest expression on his face the boy had ever seen. Lance sat next to the man, keeping a good foot of space between the two.  
“I’m sorry Hunk threw you.” Shiro huffed, a sound between a laugh and a bitter sigh.  
“I deserved it.” Lance waited for the man to elaborate. “I’ve been neglecting my own brother because I was too buried within my own desperation to notice the rest of my family needed me.” Shiro looked towards Lance. “I consider this team my family, and I’m sorry for neglecting you.” Lance hummed.  
“Hunk and I had each other. Keith had nobody.” He was giving Shiro a hard time, sure, but the man’s neglect hurt Keith more than he knew.  
“I… I know. And I’m sorry. There’s nothing I can say to make this right. I promised Keith on the day he was adopted into my family that I’d never abandon him. When I was abducted, I still kept that promise by trying my damndest to get back to my home, but when my own brother was right in front of me, I was blind to his needs. I knew Keith was unstable and prone to self- loathing, and I ignored it. I’m unspeakably sorry about my actions, and I’m torn apart by the fact that I drove him to this.” Lance pretended not to notice how there were tears in the man’s eyes, or how a few escaped when he finished talking. After a few moments, Keith opened the door and sniffed, having obviously heard everything. Shiro stood up quickly and Keith spoke.  
“I forgive you.” He opened his arms for a hug and Shiro obliged. Hunk appeared in the doorway and Lance motioned for him to leave, sensing that the brothers needed a moment.  
“I’m glad they figured it out,” Hunk murmured when they were out of earshot. Lance nodded and stayed close to his side as the two headed towards the kitchen. The room smelled heavenly, the aroma of freshly baked garlic knots wafting through the halls. Hunk pulled the knots out of the oven and left them on the cooling rack before looking at Lance with a frown. “Dude, are you okay?” Lance through for a moment before shrugging.  
“I just feel bad for the guy, you know? Everything around here has been so depressing. I think we all could use some good news.” Hunk nodded, leaning against the counter.  
“We all could definitely use some good news right about now.”


End file.
